Ccccccrusshhhh

In Limbo, Not in Love

I am seriously too obsessive. To the point of disgust.  I know right.

I’m so obsessed with Kiko Mizuhara like in a I’m 5 and she’s my idol kinda cute way. It has not progressed to that crazy obsessed stage ala Edie Sedgwick and Kurt Cobain.  I am mid-range obsessed with Kiko Mizuhara.  

You’re probably going  Oh tell me something new nikki and then roll your eyes.

Well. What’s “new”  is that my life has seriously sucked for the past week. I had 5 bad days consecutively. Even Elisabeth gave me that “aww..you poor thing” look.  Heinous. And she’s at Laneway now watching the FOALS and the TEMPER TRAP. Mega Heinous. 

But I am being distracted by the Rachel Zoe show so I’ve been able to soothe my disturbed soul.  I have also been waking up at unearthly hours ( 4am, 5am ) in a desperate attempt to finish my projects which I am unable to do cause  I am the undoubtly the world’s best procrastinator.  GOD. Can’t wait til school is over cause then I can finally do the things I want to the most : shop, read and obsess.

You would think that after all the walking and carrying of my laptop and the irregular meals I would lose weight right? But I think I gained a whole bunch of weight.  I know people look at me and think oh she’s gained weight or that she’s very round.  I can see it in their eyes.  I don’t think I can ever lose weight.  I will forever remain this unfortunate size cause according to my dear ol’ mother , I have my auntie’s body shape. Which is not very comforting because she’s relatively full figured. And I look in the mirror and I know I see that roundness . I have absolutely no shoulders , my boobs are massive and I have like big child bearing hips. What a fatty. I know right.

I just need to vent cause I’m super stressed and alone at Starbucks. yes. a lonely fatty.

Kayfankzbye.

Hermes Collier De Chien

I die.

Save Save Save

Barbra Streisand

is Duck Sauce’s bitch.

P/S: Oprah has a secret sister?!?! Oh WOW.



H.O.V.A

               

As much as I like him , I couldn’t help myself

 

The Sex 2.

The Sex.

Starfucks

Threesome

                                                                   3 times the fun (:

Blood is the new Black

   Givenchy Fall/Winter 2009

Miss Fits.

Misfits:

A heartwarming tale about a single white female teacher who who...has epilepsy and is called Miss Fits.

HAAHHAHAHAHAHA

Cheers to season 2 of Misfits and to new bag, HUFFAH!!!

Crappy New Year

Its a new year but I still feel the same old retard. I hate all this like ‘a new year, a new start’. Its like fuck you cause life still is the same. I realise my mother has this incredible knack for ruining significant holidays like Christmas, New Years (Chinese and regular), my birthday ( not a holiday but it should be) she’s like the Grinch. I’m currently at Starbucks and I’m supposed to be getting down to business and  doing my 10- 15 page report which is finally making some progress. I am seriously on a I hate life and will feel better if I had a Givenchy bag delusion right now.  I believed the Shins and thought i could go without till the need seeps in. But the need has seeped and it is demanding to be fulfilled. God. JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY.

I apologise. My bag is all I can think about. Okay well technically I am thinking about the bag and only the bag cause I refuse to think about more crucial important issues. Like my lack of friends due to crippling and paralyzing self doubt. Or my weight. Which i think i am conspicuously gaining. I really let myself go this holiday. Like I am this fat piece of crap. God. JUST STOP EATING. I think my father thinks I’m fat.  Cause i hadn’t had lunch and I ask for chicken rice and he said “ thats really fattening”. Well thats not surprising. My whole family thinks i am fat. Okay not fat. But chubby, plump, a waste of space. I think being chubby is worse than fat. Cause when you are fat you’re just fat... not much you can do about that but when you’re chubby its like you’re soooooo close to being skinny but you’re just not. Its like betting on 4D and you missed by one number.  Its this incredible feeling of disgust and self loathing. I wish I could be happier like I was before. Granted I was never really HAPPY. But i was happ-ier. I liked myself slightly better.

 I secretly think sometimes that death would be easier. Yes yes yes emo/dramatic right. But its like i have nothing much to live for and whatever that I may have to do in the future I don’t look forward to doing. I don’t understand why I have to live my life this way. Meeting everybody’s expectations and not living your own and feeling like shit all the fucking time.  So maybe death would be more peaceful. Can you imagine living another 10 years like dead inside. Might as well save everybody time and die now. You know how people say you should cherish your life cause someone else out died wishes he/she was alive. Well they can have my life. Well not MY life. Cause I wouldn’t wish my shit life on anybody.

I think this post is longer than my report. If only i could pass this up instead. I mean how much can I write about cutting newspapers.  I hope “LIFE “ had a new year’s resolution and it was “ to be nicer to Nikki ”  hahahahahahha.