It's been way too long.. but I figured that I have to start writing because I refuse to confide in people. cause people suck. and I cant seem to handle my emotions. what is this horrible excuse that is life? Well anyway, its my birthday on tuesday and I hate birthdays. I learnt to hate it for awhile but this year. Wow. This year. I get to turn 21. When my other friends are throwing parties and getting extravagant gifts I get to standby and watch while my life gets packed up and carted away. I cant believe it! Wow Yay Whoopee my parents gave me no family and no house. Try topping that guys!
I am miserable. and I'm drinking. I know its so melodramatic and over the top and lame and fucking whatever whatever, but Im so sad.
Alcohol doesnt even taste like alcohol anymore. whatever. I feel so sorry. so sorry that my mum and brother has to go through this. I feel like they are leaving me. I feel like they are leaving me to suffer with my father. Even though I know they are suffering too so I cant say anything.
I wish things were different and I could go with them cause I will miss them.I wish my birthday never had to come. I wish the days will stop so I never get to witness them moving out and leaving me behind. ,.,.

I wanna go to the beach.

I miss my bangs.

Cute without the E.

At the newly refurbished starbucks at united square and have stupidly chosen to sit myself at a prime spot. Next to the stupid drainage hole. I swear to god there's this constant smell of sewage and it is bringing about a wave of nausea. Lucky right.

I wish my essay would just finish by itself. I think I am too over achieving. I've chosen to define the word: alone. which may sound emo and melodramatic of me but it is anything but. I am trying to say that being alone does not mean loneliness. and that it can imply happiness instead of what the world perceive alone to be. which is sadness. 

See. Here's the problem. My essay can be written with those few sentences. I cant seem to elaborate any further. my brain is useless.

I am seriously contemplating moving to a beachy country like sydney or L.A… I want to be a beach bum and drink all day. party all night. Have sexy beach hair and a great tan.  I would surf but I only know how to surf the internet. HAHAHA. and i cant swim. 

Have been on a taking back sunday/underoath/alexisonfire/brand new bender recently. very very 2008. But it sounds soooooo good again! 

peace. 

out. 

The Sex 13: Curly dark haired

Burning in your heart

Awww

Steal You Away