I have decided to resume writing due to the fact that I am going to Berkeley. So that when I am 40 and suffering from menopausal symptoms and a mid life crisis, I can look back on these written accounts and remember what it was like to be 21. And then proceed to consume a heck load of anti depressants.

I am finally stepping out of my little bubble and venturing out of the asia pacific region which people may think is overdue. I do too.  I am completely nervous. It feels like everything is converging together and happening too soon. Like I'm not ready yet....okay honestly. My bikini ready body isn't ready yet.

My anxiety is compounded by the fact that I have exceedingly high expectations for my impending trip. I am afraid that it doesn't match up and I spiral into sadness and despair. An emotion that I am pretty familiar with as you can tell from my previous posts.

Getting another tattoo. I don't really know why I am. but somehow it feels like I should. I want to embrace my youth. hahahahahaahahah. I like what I am getting though. Imi Loa. To seek and explore.
Which is what I aspire to be. Not some corporate monkey stuck in a cubicle, with a deadbeat husband and 3 kids. Sometimes I feel so disappointed in myself. That I have this incessant need to explain and justify why I do things. I should just be like IDGAF, BITCH. but no. I am one of those bitches that care and obsess.

Still dont have a boyfriend. and im turning 22. fucking hell. I just want a boyfriend who's like Kurt Cobain. But every boy in Singapore looks like a fucking kpop star. where are all my grungy, rock listening, guitar playing tattooed men.  SO SICK OF IT. THIS is why I don't have a boyfriend. Not because I have high expectations its because there's nothing to expect. every boy is so generic.

Just told my friend something i shouldnt have. dammit.

fucking big mouth.

fuck fuck fuck fuck.